Do I Really Have to Tell People Not to Be an A--hole?

(Spoiler: Yes, you do.)

Oddly enough, I get this question a lot as an HR Consultant. Ever assume everyone knows how to behave at work? So did my recent client—right up until two employees nearly went to war over who “borrowed” the stapler without asking. That’s when he called me and asked, “Do I really have to tell people not to be an asshole?”

The short answer? Absolutely. The longer answer? Let me share why.

The Story

A small business owner reached out because two employees were constantly clashing. One was blunt and sarcastic, the other more sensitive and collaborative. What started as minor tension escalated into complaints about a “hostile work environment.” The owner was shocked. He thought his small team of five included adults who understood “common sense” workplace behaviour.

And then came the coffee pot incident.One morning, Employee A dumped out the last bit of coffee and didn’t make a new pot. Employee B interpreted this as a personal attack, assuming that Employee A knew Employee B would want a cup and refused to make a fresh pot out of spite. Words were exchanged. Voices were raised. Suddenly, what should have been a minor inconvenience turned into a full-blown HR issue. (As it turns out, Employee A thought she was alone in the office, but tension had been building for weeks between them.)

So, here’s the thing: common sense isn’t common. What feels like playful banter to one person can feel like bullying to another; engaging in small social circles in the office may feel like deliberate exclusion to the people (or more specifically, person) not invited. Without clear expectations, people default to their own interpretation of what’s okay. That’s where problems start. We often see this turning into interpersonal conflict and employee relations headaches—eventually leading to harassment claims, formal investigations, and avoidable costs, stress, and workplace demoralization.

Why Policies Matter

Policies aren’t just paperwork. They’re your roadmap for what good behaviour looks like. A well-written Code of Conduct or Respectful Workplace Policy sets the tone for professionalism and respect by defining what “respect” looks like in the office. It’s not just outlining those behaviours or actions that are not tolerated; it’s about providing clarity where ambiguity can linger and create conflict, to support the employer with something concrete to reference when issues arise.

Think of it this way:

• If you don’t define the rules, you can’t enforce them.

• If you don’t communicate expectations, you can’t hold people accountable.

  
  

Performance Management: The Reinforcement

Policies alone aren’t enough, though. You need to model the behaviour, coach consistently, and give feedback early and often. Performance management isn’t just about Key Performance Indicators (KPIs). It’s about reinforcing the culture you want. When leaders demonstrate respect and address issues promptly, employees understand what’s expected of them and can lean into that. (Read our two-part blogs from October and November 2025 re: effective Performance Management). 

Key Takeaways for Employers

1. Don’t assume “common sense” will guide behaviour. Spell it out for folks.

2. Create clear policies on conduct, respect, and communication to encourage desired behaviours.

3. Train your leaders to model and reinforce expectations.

4. Address issues early—don’t wait for complaints to pile up. Engage effective performance management techniques using regular coaching and feedback.

5. Document everything for consistency and compliance. It’s not enough to mention something to the employee. You need to write it down and follow up:  when did you talk, what did you say, how did they engage, what did you agree on, what behaviours are expected moving ahead, when should you see these changes, and what happens if you don’t?

   
   

Need Help?

If you’re wondering whether your policies and practices are strong enough to prevent these headaches, we can help. The HRHS Health Check is designed to allow us (the experts) to review your policies, performance management practices, and workplace culture to identify existing and potential risks, and recommend a roadmap to set you up for success, so you never have to call me with the same question as my earlier client.

Bottom line: Yes, you really do have to tell people not to be an asshole, and you need to show them what “not being an asshole” looks like. Clear expectations and consistent reinforcement aren’t just nice-to-haves; they’re essential for a healthy, productive workplace.

From the Owl Insight team and lead collaborator, Ellen Brown, CHRP, HR Consultant Ellen.Brown@OwlinsightHR.ca

For professional HR advice that you can trust, contact us today!

Owl Insight Human Resources Inc.

www.owlinsighthr.ca